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Sypped is the official website for wine and spirits journalist and personality, Adrian Smith. For your dose of wine, spirits, food and lifestyle inspiration, look no further!

The Story of the Human Wine Decanter

I was scouring through the interwebs recently and I came across a story. For all the wrong reasons I would now like to share that story with you. How kind of me?

Usually, when we hear the word decanter... we think of something like this...


But when the word HUMAN is placed in front of the word DECANTER, a whole new meaning is formed. Now, you may think you have an understanding of what that entails... but let me tell you. You don't. 

Introducing the story of....


The Human Decanter

A bloke pays the ER a visit at his local hospital, complaining of irritation every time he urinates. He gets examined and the doctor thinks nothing too unusual of it, sending the chap on his way with a prescription of antibiotics. A couple of weeks go by and the gentleman has returned to the ER several times now, at which point the doctor knows there is more to the situation than what he is being let on. Sternly, he tells the guy that unless he knows exactly what is going on there isn't much more he can do....


And thus the human decanter speaks...


He tells the doctor that he is hired by very wealthy individuals to act as a form of 'luxury entertainment'. By this, what he means is, he is paid a ridiculously large sum of money  to insert a catheter into his bladder, drain the urine and refill it with copious amounts of wine. Taking a variety of drugs to ease the pain, the gentlemen then makes his way around the venue decanting wine from his penis into the guests glasses. It was due to the continued gourmet party tricks the chap was performing that exacerbated the irritation within his penis. 

I'm just guessing here, but I think the doctor may have advised him to stop. 


So there you have it... quite a story eh? Now, while I can't validate that this is 100% accurate, what I can tell you is that this story makes for a pretty interesting conversation topic with friends...perhaps not while drinking wine though.


Oh, and at least we now understand why these things exist...poor sods can't afford a human decanter so they choose the next best thing...



(Note: For those who have more of a curious mind and like to explore these stories further, please wait until you get home before googling "The Human Decanter" on Google Images. Let's just say what comes up isn't exactly safe for work. I learnt the hard way. In a crowded room. We shall not speak of this again.)


Well, hope you enjoyed and until next time!